My Caela

Well, I can't believe it but my baby Caela is 14 and going to graduate from the 8th grade at the homeschool conference. It hardly seems possible that the tiny 4lbs. 15oz baby girl that I brought home from the hospital is almost as big as me.

Time sure does pass by so quickly. I have hardly had time to let it sink in, that my baby, this baby, that was so tiny, fragile and mine is on the brink of womanhood. It has been a blessing in so many ways.

As many of you know a daughter is like having a window into your own soul. I can't thank God enough for that, I think that I have learned more as her mother than she has learned as my daughter. She I hope reflects the best parts of me and at times I see her reflect the worst parts, but we get to work on those together.

She has such a passion for God and strives always to do his will. She puts me to shame most of the time, the kid does her devotions every day no matter what. I need to be more like her.

Yet even though she tries so hard to be grown up she is still just a kid and I am glad that she can still be one. I love her dearly and am glad to share a piece of her with all of you.

Superman Complex or Super Man Complex

As many of you know this past month and a half have had many storms for us as a couple and a family. With Chris out of work and our landlord in danger of forclosure our lives have been extremely uncertain in many ways. Through it all it amazed me how Chris seemed to be completely unscathed by any of this. He was certain that we would be ok and it really appeared that nothing was truly getting to him. It is nice to have a man so strong and in control as an emotionally driven woman, but I was starting to worry that me being so uncertain was going to somehow make my man crumble. I kept pushing him to talk to me and tell me what was going on with him and maybe what direction he thought he might go in the work department; he really wanted to get out of the real estate market, understandable considering. Well I finally go my wish. Thursday night my Superman or so I thought was human to me. It seems as though I have allowed myself to see my husband as something more than human. I have no doubt that my husband is a "Super Man," he is not "Superman." I am greatful of God's ever so gentle and subtle reminders. As I realized I don't allow myself to be part of my husbands vulnerability, I am truly missing out on one of God's most precious blessings. God created man in his own image: strong, capable, protective, dangerous, wild, and lets not forget loving, sensitive, warm and safe. God is faithful to his word and he does work things out for the good of those who love him. So I guess what I learned is that maybe the whole "Superman Complex," was mine all along. LLove and Peace to you all.

May Flowers, Thank God for the Arpil Showers.

I am praying that the rain that was dumped on my family in the month of April is going to yeild a beautiful garden in May. I know that will. Chris is still looking for work, our savings is getting low but I know that the Lord will provide for us. In the mean time I am doing the end of my spring cleaning and trying to pack all the unnecessary winter clothes and any extra stuff not in use. We know that we are going to have to move at some point but we don't know when that point will be but why wait to the last minute, right? Praying about me going to work again, I have done respite care for children with disabilites in the past. Of course I need to try and get everything at home in order before I take on another job, but might not have to much time for that.

I am also mentally and spiritually preparing myself for yet another teenage daughter. In 11 days I will have two 13 yr olds. Yes, that is correct I did say two. I love all my kids but I am not kidding I think they get brain transplants at 13, everything changes overnight. Not all of it is a bad thing, it is just a hard thing. You have to parent teenagers much differently than you do children. So mostly it is just bad for me. Now I have to figure out a new way to love my teenager the same way, it is a "Love Language," thing. It is just hard to go from parenting a 4 yr old one moment and a 14 yr old the next (Caela will be 14 in 1 month). They do grow up so fast. I am so glad that I have chosen to invest so much time in them, what a blessing it is to have the priviledge to homeschool. I know there are days when it doesn't feel like a blessing to have 6 kids asking a question while I try to pee, but it truely is.

And as for me, as Mother's Day approaches, it might be ok for me to take some me time. It is so ironic how this day works, I want a break from all the work I do, while at the same time I want to spend time with my kids. I want the kids to look perfect for church in the morning, work. I want to look good for church in the morning, get up 30 minutes earlier than usual. I want to leave the house clean when we leave, work. So what does Mother's Day really mean for mothers? If I figure it out I will let you know.

Mindless babble

Wow I have really missed blogging. It seems that lately I have not had the amount of time it takes to sit down and type something. We have had a crazy month of April. Everything started with our landlord being in default on the home that we are currently renting. Then Chirs got laid off, but is still a contract employee getting a commission, which is better than nothing. What a struggle it has been to keep myself sane as my husband has been home for a whole month. My house is showing the signs of me not being able to maintain MY SCHEDULE(because I am a crazy nut, it is a first born thing). I can't think straight in any room of my house because they are all out of order, my order of course, but who else matters. There are moments when I stray from my maker and begin to question what he is doing for me. It seems that with my hubby not working, 6 kids to take care of and homeschool, plus a house, bills, dinner, laundry etc. I have not been able to find time for God. Now I am pretty good about keeping an open line of communication with Him but after 4 weeks I am not sure it is enough. I long for a clean room and 30 uninterupted minutes. The funny thing is, is that even though daddy is sitting in his chair doing nothing, while I have my hands in water up to my elbows washing the dishes, all 6 of my children can walk right past daddy to ask me to do whatever they need. All things that daddy could do just as easily as mommy. Why is it that they seek out mom no matter where or what she is doing? And locking myself in my room is, well you know you are all moms, pointless. I can't seem to find the right balance and of course I know, it is because of these two silly words, My way. I am trying to do things my way and not His way, His all knowing and perfect way. Why am I such a control freak? Why do I want to have control of everything I have a part in? Why is it so hard for me to surrender to His good and perfect will? So as I sit here and allow My Lord to convict me, thank God for blogs. And thank God for all of my friends who love and support me with prayer.

Ahhhhhh, Easter Sunday at last.

Well it is finaly here. I was up late putting hair in curlers and braids, ironing dresses , shirts and pants, and making sure everything was just right for the kids and pictures in the morning, except it was already morning. I crawl into bed knowing that the alarm is going to come way to soon. Then crawl out of bed because 5 hours of sleep is not enough these days, put the monkey bread in the oven for breakfast, and wake up daddy so we can do the Easter baskets. Then it is time to unroll curlers and undo braids, lets not forget I do have 5 girls plus me to get ready. Thank God for the simplicity of boys, but why oh why does daddy only get 1 to worry about and I get 5? Ofcourse right about this time I remember my ever so wise words to my cousin, "No one is even going to know if the look My perfect, they look cute anyway, so don't stress about it." I think I am going to stop trying to comfort people who are exactly like me. What was I thinking!!!!!! So as I am finishing buttoning the last dress so that I can now go get ready myself, I feel the burning hot skin of a sick little girl. Sure enough 104.9 and mom gets a pass to stay home from church, or more then 10 minutes to get ready for the day.

As I watch my family drive off to church on my most favorite Sunday of the year(TORTURE), I remember that God has kept me from church in the last 4 months from the two most important Sundays for any Christian, Christmas and Easter. Both for sick children. So as I sit and ask God why?, the words to my most favorite Easter Hymn spring forth in my head,
"He lives, He lives! Chirst Jesus lives today! He walks with me and talks with me along lifes narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart! You ask me how I know he lives? He lives within my heart."

Ok God, I think I am getting it. I don't have to go to church to worship you on the two most important Sudays of the year. You, God are important everyday and I need to continutally worship you. I realize I have begun to lose my focus. Christmas and Easter are not about the perfect curls in the girls hair, or the wrinkle free clothes(that for some reason don't stay that way anyhow), the house being spotless(that doesn't stay that way either), or the perfect Easter meal(that I can smell as I am doing this). Instead it is about? Then God ever so graciously brings the words to my favorite worship song not written or sung by Matthew Casteel.
" I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus. I'm sorry Lord, for the thing I made it. When it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus."

Ok, so now I am on my knees in tears, Thanking God for knowing how to get me to this most execllent place, and truly being able to just worship my Risen Savior. So as I celebrate this most beautiful day, the best Easter I have ever had, I still have one lingering question God.

Why the sick princess?!?

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life. She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and mother.

She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference. At times she got discouraged, because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated.

“Is it worth it?” she often wondered, “Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?”

It was during these moments of questioning that she heard the still, small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart.

“You are a wife and a mother because that is what I have called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from public eye,

But I notice.

Most of what you give is done without remuneration,

But I am your reward.

Your husband can not be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know. I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.

Your children are precious to Me, even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care, to raise them for Me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me. You may never be in the public spotlight, but your obedience shines as a bright light before Me.

Continue on.

Remember you are My servant

Do all to please Me.”

Author Unknown

What ever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23,24

My Cousin Jamie inspired me to share in the interest of helping all of the moms feel a little more satisfaction in our daily duties. I have read this poem, that I received in a Mother's day e-card from my mother, everyday for three years. I now know it pretty much by heart but I still need reminding . I printed it on a decorative paper and framed it, it hangs in a very promonent spot in my kitchen. It did speak to my heart and I began to look at my life with new eyes. I found that if I kept my focus on Him, cleaning the same spot of the kitchen floor 20 times a day didn't seem to bother me as much. But most of all I have learned to keep the lines of communication open between God and myself. I veiw everything I do as a way to worship him. As with anything some days go better than others but just realizing that I am doing dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, and disciplining all for the Lord and his glory not mine was encouraging. So whenever the feeling of self-doubt shows its ugly little head I read this poem and know that God knew what he was doing when he put me here.

Under Construction

This Blog is still under construction as I am reading and trying to figure out all the possibilities that having this will allow. Having a ton of fun but housework and kids keep pulling me away, sigh.