Mindless babble

Wow I have really missed blogging. It seems that lately I have not had the amount of time it takes to sit down and type something. We have had a crazy month of April. Everything started with our landlord being in default on the home that we are currently renting. Then Chirs got laid off, but is still a contract employee getting a commission, which is better than nothing. What a struggle it has been to keep myself sane as my husband has been home for a whole month. My house is showing the signs of me not being able to maintain MY SCHEDULE(because I am a crazy nut, it is a first born thing). I can't think straight in any room of my house because they are all out of order, my order of course, but who else matters. There are moments when I stray from my maker and begin to question what he is doing for me. It seems that with my hubby not working, 6 kids to take care of and homeschool, plus a house, bills, dinner, laundry etc. I have not been able to find time for God. Now I am pretty good about keeping an open line of communication with Him but after 4 weeks I am not sure it is enough. I long for a clean room and 30 uninterupted minutes. The funny thing is, is that even though daddy is sitting in his chair doing nothing, while I have my hands in water up to my elbows washing the dishes, all 6 of my children can walk right past daddy to ask me to do whatever they need. All things that daddy could do just as easily as mommy. Why is it that they seek out mom no matter where or what she is doing? And locking myself in my room is, well you know you are all moms, pointless. I can't seem to find the right balance and of course I know, it is because of these two silly words, My way. I am trying to do things my way and not His way, His all knowing and perfect way. Why am I such a control freak? Why do I want to have control of everything I have a part in? Why is it so hard for me to surrender to His good and perfect will? So as I sit here and allow My Lord to convict me, thank God for blogs. And thank God for all of my friends who love and support me with prayer.

Ahhhhhh, Easter Sunday at last.

Well it is finaly here. I was up late putting hair in curlers and braids, ironing dresses , shirts and pants, and making sure everything was just right for the kids and pictures in the morning, except it was already morning. I crawl into bed knowing that the alarm is going to come way to soon. Then crawl out of bed because 5 hours of sleep is not enough these days, put the monkey bread in the oven for breakfast, and wake up daddy so we can do the Easter baskets. Then it is time to unroll curlers and undo braids, lets not forget I do have 5 girls plus me to get ready. Thank God for the simplicity of boys, but why oh why does daddy only get 1 to worry about and I get 5? Ofcourse right about this time I remember my ever so wise words to my cousin, "No one is even going to know if the look My perfect, they look cute anyway, so don't stress about it." I think I am going to stop trying to comfort people who are exactly like me. What was I thinking!!!!!! So as I am finishing buttoning the last dress so that I can now go get ready myself, I feel the burning hot skin of a sick little girl. Sure enough 104.9 and mom gets a pass to stay home from church, or more then 10 minutes to get ready for the day.

As I watch my family drive off to church on my most favorite Sunday of the year(TORTURE), I remember that God has kept me from church in the last 4 months from the two most important Sundays for any Christian, Christmas and Easter. Both for sick children. So as I sit and ask God why?, the words to my most favorite Easter Hymn spring forth in my head,
"He lives, He lives! Chirst Jesus lives today! He walks with me and talks with me along lifes narrow way. He lives, He lives, salvation to impart! You ask me how I know he lives? He lives within my heart."

Ok God, I think I am getting it. I don't have to go to church to worship you on the two most important Sudays of the year. You, God are important everyday and I need to continutally worship you. I realize I have begun to lose my focus. Christmas and Easter are not about the perfect curls in the girls hair, or the wrinkle free clothes(that for some reason don't stay that way anyhow), the house being spotless(that doesn't stay that way either), or the perfect Easter meal(that I can smell as I am doing this). Instead it is about? Then God ever so graciously brings the words to my favorite worship song not written or sung by Matthew Casteel.
" I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus. I'm sorry Lord, for the thing I made it. When it's all about you, it's all about you Jesus."

Ok, so now I am on my knees in tears, Thanking God for knowing how to get me to this most execllent place, and truly being able to just worship my Risen Savior. So as I celebrate this most beautiful day, the best Easter I have ever had, I still have one lingering question God.

Why the sick princess?!?

A woman once fretted over the usefulness of her life. She feared she was wasting her potential being a devoted wife and mother.

She wondered if the time and energy she invested in her husband and children would make a difference. At times she got discouraged, because so much of what she did seemed to go unnoticed and unappreciated.

“Is it worth it?” she often wondered, “Is there something better that I could be doing with my time?”

It was during these moments of questioning that she heard the still, small voice of her heavenly Father speak to her heart.

“You are a wife and a mother because that is what I have called you to be. Much of what you do is hidden from public eye,

But I notice.

Most of what you give is done without remuneration,

But I am your reward.

Your husband can not be the man I have called him to be without your support. Your influence upon him is greater than you think and more powerful than you will ever know. I bless him through your service and honor him through your love.

Your children are precious to Me, even more precious than they are to you. I have entrusted them to your care, to raise them for Me. What you invest in them is an offering to Me. You may never be in the public spotlight, but your obedience shines as a bright light before Me.

Continue on.

Remember you are My servant

Do all to please Me.”

Author Unknown

What ever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Colossians 3:23,24

My Cousin Jamie inspired me to share in the interest of helping all of the moms feel a little more satisfaction in our daily duties. I have read this poem, that I received in a Mother's day e-card from my mother, everyday for three years. I now know it pretty much by heart but I still need reminding . I printed it on a decorative paper and framed it, it hangs in a very promonent spot in my kitchen. It did speak to my heart and I began to look at my life with new eyes. I found that if I kept my focus on Him, cleaning the same spot of the kitchen floor 20 times a day didn't seem to bother me as much. But most of all I have learned to keep the lines of communication open between God and myself. I veiw everything I do as a way to worship him. As with anything some days go better than others but just realizing that I am doing dishes, laundry, sweeping, mopping, and disciplining all for the Lord and his glory not mine was encouraging. So whenever the feeling of self-doubt shows its ugly little head I read this poem and know that God knew what he was doing when he put me here.